Donkey: ♪Once you've had a taste of her, you'll never be the same!♪
Puss in Boots: ♪Yeah, she'll make you go insane!♪
Donkey: Sing it, Puss!
Both: ♪Upside, inside out...♪
(Puss and Donkey break into laughter)
Gingy: (Laughs from a tabletop) Give it up, guys! You're giving me a headache!
Donkey: Oh, that's real sweet, Gingy.
Puss in Boots: You ever heard of a (Snaps his fingers) gingersnap?
Gingy: Ah, whizzers on you guys.
Fiona: Come on, they're just having fun. They're really not that bad.
Donkey: Not that bad?
Puss in Boots: (Takes off his hat and bows) I will take that as a compliment, princess.
(Suddenly, Simon Cowell enters through the backdoor of the castle and approaches Shrek and Fiona.)
Simon: You should.
Shrek and Fiona (Surprised): Simon!?
Gingy (Off-screen, amazed): Oh.
Simon: Because I rarely give them.
Shrek: Easy, Simon. The competition hasn't even started yet.
Simon: I can't help being judgemental. It's who I am.
Shrek: Alrighty. (Faces the screen) Who's up for a little contest, then?
(The camera rotates to the rest of the "Shrek" cast with Donkey and Puss as they cheer)
Donkey: Yeah, bring it on!
(The "American Idol" theme plays as we cut to a purple curtain background)
Magic Mirror (Off-screen): Welcome.
(Each word in the title appears as Magic Mirror says the whole title)
To "Far Far Away Idol"!
(The face of the magic mirror flies in from the right)
Magic Mirror (On-screen): Where you, that's right you at home, get to vote along with our judges.
Magic Mirror (Off-screen): Shrek, Fiona, and Simon!
Magic Mirror (On-screen): To crown the next... Far Far Away Idol! (The face flies backwards right out of the shot)
Magic Mirror (Off-screen): First up tonight...
(We cut to Donkey running up on-stage from the left. The song "Disco Inferno" by The Trammps cues up.)
Donkey: It's Donkey time!
Ha! Ha!
♪The heat was on, rising to the top burn yet! Everybody going strong!♪
♪That was when my spark got hot I heard somebody say...♪
(An outer shot reveals Dragon enjoying the music by bopping her head to the beat)
♪Burn baby burn! (Dragon breathes her fire breath at Donkey's tail) Disco inferno! Burn baby burn!♪
Burn that mama down!
Simon: You're on fire, Donkey.
Donkey: ♪Burn baby burn!♪
Shrek: No, you're really on fire!
Donkey: ♪Disco inferno! Yeah! Yeah...♪
(Donkey suddenly stops singing, then sees his tail on fire and runs around screaming. He runs to the screen, with his burning tail transitioning to Pinocchio dancing the robot to his song, "Mr. Roboto" by Styx.)
Pinocchio: ♪Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto! Domo! Domo! Domo...♪
Simon: Come on, get real, Pinocchio!
Shrek: I find his performance quite wooden actually. (Chuckles as Fiona) "Wooden".
("Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper starts to play as we see Doris's back facing the screen as she dances. Then she turns around and starts singing.)
Doris: ♪Some boys take, a beautiful girl! And hide her away from the rest of the world!♪
♪I wanna be the one to walk in the sun...♪
Fiona: Yeah, you go! (Suddenly feels embarrassed) Girl?
Simon: Yeah. Go girl, and get a extreme makeover. And some singing lessons.
(We cut to the stage with the Big Bad Wolf singing "Hungry Like the Wolf" by Duran Duran. The three little pigs skip in the background, and sing backup.)
Big Bad Wolf: ♪Burn to the ground, I break from the crowd.♪
Big Bad Wolf and the Three Little Pigs: ♪I'm on the hunt, I'm after you!♪
Big Bad Wolf: ♪I smell like a sound. I'm lost and I'm found.♪
Big Bad Wolf and the Three Little Pigs: ♪And I'm hungry like the wolf!♪
Heimlich: Hungry? (Runs off the stage)
Horst: Sounds like dinnertime! (Runs off the stage)
Dieter: Ja! (Runs off the stage)
(The pigs run left off the stage, leaving the wolf confused.)
Big Bad Wolf: What?
Simon: I'm hungry for some talent, here.
Shrek: Oh, aye!
Simon: And the dress? Hideous.
(Shrek chuckles, then we see Prince Charming on stage performing "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred.)
Prince Charming: ♪I'm... too sexy for my shirt. Too sexy for my shirt. So sexy, it hurts.♪
(Prince Charming walks right where Doris swoons and fawns for him)
Doris: (Falls in love) Oh!
(Prince Charming walks back to the center of the stage)
Prince Charming: ♪And I'm a model. You know what I mean?♪
♪And I shake my little tush on the cat...♪
(Shrek pulls out a remote and Fiona presses the button to open the trapdoor. A buzzing noise plays as Prince Charming lets out a yell as he falls through.)
Doris: Oh!
Simon: And that was the artist formerly known as "Prince... Charming".
(We cut back to the stage as "I Can See Clearly Now" by Johnny Nash starts up. The camera slowly flies down to the Three Blind Mice by the mic, given how small they are.)
Three Blind Mice: ♪We can see clearly now, the rain has gone.♪
♪We can see all obstacles in our way.♪
(Two mice walk into each other from behind the mouse in front. Then we cut to Shrek covering his eyes, Fiona covering her mouth, and Simon plugging his ears with his fingers. Just then, "Sugar, Sugar" by The Archies starts playing as Gingy is shown dancing with Tinkerbell on top of a piano.)
Gingy: ♪Sugar! Oh honey honey. (Chuckles as he holds Tinkerbell's hand) You are my candy girl!♪
Fiona: They're so sweet together.
Simon: I just knew you'd say that, Fiona. What's next? A singing doughnut?
(We cut to Captain Hook, the pianist of the Poison Apple singing "Hooked on a Feeling" by Blue Swede.)
Captain Hook: ♪I'm... hooked on a feeling. I'm high on believing.♪
(Tinkerbell flies up to Simon's ear)
Tinkerbell (Whispering): I don't like him.
Simon: I couldn't agree more, Tinky. Hook, line, and stinker!
(Tinkerbell giggles)
Captain Hook: ♪I'm...♪
(In the middle of his singing, a wooden cane grabs Hook by the throat and pulls him right off stage. Then we see Puss walking across the stage during his song, "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'" by Nancy Sinatra.)
Puss in Boots: ♪You keep saying you've got something for me!♪
(Tinkerbell flies up to Puss's feet and sprinkles pixie dust on his boots. Then Puss jumps out of his boots, which copy his footwork as he dances.)
Puss in Boots: ♪Something that you call love, but confess.♪
♪And these boots are made for walking! And that's just what they'll do!♪
Arriba!
(Starts clapping to the beat)
♪One of these days, these boots...♪
(Backward flips twice and lands back into his boots)
♪are gonna walk all over... you!♪
A-ha!
Simon: For the cat's got my tongue, and possibly my vote.
Puss in Boots (Off-screen): Oh, no hips!
(Simon turns left to see Shrek and Fiona gone and sighs as "What I Like About You" by The Romantics starts playing)
Simon: Always breaking the rules.
Shrek: ♪What I like about you!♪
Fiona: ♪You hold me tight. Mmm.♪
Shrek: ♪Oh, tell me I'm the only one.♪
Fiona: ♪Gonna come over tonight.♪
Shrek and Fiona: ♪Yeah. Keep on whispering in my ear.♪
Simon: "Ogre"-all impression, rather wonderful.
Shrek: ♪'Cause it's true!♪
Fiona: ♪That's what I like about you.♪
Shrek and Fiona: ♪Yeah, yeah!♪
Hey!
(Shrek pulls out a harmonica and plays it)
Fiona: ♪That's what I like about you.♪
Shrek: ♪That's what I like about you.♪♪
Shrek and Fiona (On the last note): Hey!
Magic Mirror: And now, who will be named... Far Far Away's (Flies backwards right out of the shot, revealing the contestants on stage.) next idol?
Magic Mirror (Voice-over): Will it be...
(The contestants appear as Magic Mirror addresses them)
Pinocchio, Doris, The Big Bad Wolf...
Donkey: (Jumps up from behind the wolf) Oh! Oh pick me!
Magic Mirror (Voice-over): Charming, The Three Blind Mice...
Donkey (Off-screen): Oh! Oh!
Magic Mirror (Voice-over): Gingy, Captain Hook...
Donkey: (Jumps up from behind Captain Hook) Me! Me!
Magic Mirror (Voice-over): Puss in Boots, Shrek and Fiona...
Donkey: (Jumps up from behind the wolf) Oh! Oh pick me!
Magic Mirror (Voice-over): Or...
Donkey: (Lands in the middle of his shot) Me!
Magic Mirror (Voice-over): Yes, you too, Donkey.
(Donkey's window shrinks, revealing the pictures of all 10 contestants in a black background with stars in it. Only on the VHS version, there's a URL, www.shrek2.com/idol for the Far Far Away Idol website. The DVD version, however, removes it.)
DVD and Blu-Ray Ending[]
Magic Mirror (Voice-over): And now it’s your turn to vote, select your favorite. Select your favorite, now would be the time. Anytime would be nice now.
[DING!]
VHS Ending[]
Magic Mirror (Voice-over): Cast your vote for the winner now! If you want to register your vote with millions of other "Shrek" fans, go to w-w-w dot Shrek 2 dot-com-slash-idol.
(Screen fades to black, ending the VHS version of "Shrek 2" by skipping to the movie's end credits followed by the end credits for "Far Far Away Idol".)
Ending A (Donkey)[]
(A dove flies down to hand Simon the winning envelope)
Simon: And the next Far Far Away Idol is... Donkey.
("Disco Inferno" starts up again as we cut to Donkey in the middle of the stage)
Donkey: Ha ha! Alright! Who's your donkey?
(The camera pulls away as Donkey performs his encore)
♪Burn baby burn! Disco inferno! Burn baby burn!♪
Good night, Far Far Away! I love you!
Magic Mirror (Voice-over): Ladies and gentlemen, our time is up here, but we look forward to seeing you next time, on "Far Far Away Idol"!
(Screen fades to black on the final note of the music)
Ending B (Puss in Boots)[]
(A dove flies down to hand Simon the winning envelope)
Simon: And the next Far Far Away Idol, is that little furball of talent. Puss.
Puss in Boots (Off-screen): I knew it!
("These Boots Are Made for Walkin'" cues up as we cut to Puss in the middle of the stage)
Puss in Boots (On-screen): Are you ready, boots? Start walking!
(The camera pulls away as Puss starts dancing)
Female Chorus: ♪And these boots are made for walking!♪
Puss in Boots: ♪And that's just what they'll do!♪
Magic Mirror (Voice-over): Ladies and gentlemen, our time is up here, but we look forward to seeing you next time, on "Far Far Away Idol"!
Puss in Boots (On the last note): Epic triumph!
(Screen fades to black at the of the music)
Ending C (Shrek and Fiona)[]
(A dove flies down to hand Simon the winning envelope)
Simon: And the next Far Far Away Idol is, or should I say, "Idols", are... Shrek and Fiona.
(We cut to Shrek and Fiona in the middle of the stage as "What I Like About You" starts up again)
Fiona: Whoo-hoo!
Shrek: Love it!
(The camera pulls away as Shrek and Fiona perform their encore)
Fiona: ♪That's what I like about you.♪
Shrek: ♪That's what I like about you.♪
Shrek and Fiona: Hey! Hey!
Magic Mirror (Voice-over): Ladies and gentlemen, our time is up here, but we look forward to seeing you next time, on "Far Far Away Idol"!
Shrek and Fiona (On the last note): Hey!
(Screen fades to black at the of the music.)
Ending D (Simon Cowell)[]
NOTE: This ending plays on the televised versions of "Shrek 2", including the Netflix version of "Far Far Away Idol".
Part 1[]
(A dove flies down to hand Simon the winning envelope)
Simon: And the next Far Far Away Idol is...
Pinocchio[]
Simon: No. You've got to be joking.
Doris[]
Simon: Sorry, that is complete rubbish.
Big Bad Wolf[]
Simon: Impossible, I won't allow it.
Prince Charming[]
Simon: Please, I don't think so.
Three Blind Mice[]
Simon: Sorry. I'm afraid you chose wrong.
Gingy[]
Simon: (Sighs) Now you're being ridiculous.
Captain Hook[]
Simon: That is just wrong.
Part 2[]
Simon: (Throws the paper away) Nope! It's me, everyone!
(Simon pulls out a microphone and stands on top of the table. As he sings "My Way" by Frank Sinatra, the camera rotates around him.)
♪For what is a man? What has he got?♪
♪If not himself, then he has naught.♪
♪To say the things he truly feels, and not the words of one who kneels.♪
♪The record shows I took the blows...♪
♪And did it my... way!♪♪
(The "Shrek" characters cheer for Simon)
Magic Mirror (Voice-over): Ladies and gentlemen, our time is up here, but we look forward to seeing you next time, on "Far Far Away Idol"!
(Screen fades to black)