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This is a transcript for the GameCube, Xbox, and PlayStation 2 versions of Shrek 2 (video game), as well as the PC port known as Shrek 2: Team Action. This is not for the original Shrek 2 PC game. The beginning of each chapter starts with a voice over of the Magic Mirror reading from a book, similar to the introductions of Shrek, Shrek 2, and Shrek Forever After.

Transcript

Shrek's Swamp

Chapter Intro

Newlywed fever continued to rise in the swamp and dear Fiona couldn't be happier. Her parents invited her and Shrek to Far Far Away so they could meet the handsome man she married. While packing for their long journey, Shrek realized he still need some essentials for the trip.

Cut Scenes

Dwarf cut scenes will be listed so people can see the order, but they won't be numbered the same because players might miss one and do them out of order. This is the correct order.

  • Cut Scene 1

Fiona: Look, I don't want to be late.

Shrek: Then I need help collecting eyeballs. It'll be a long journey, and nobody wants to see me hungry.

Donkey: Why don't we just get some parfaits? You know the ones with whipcream. Ooh, I love whipcream.

Shrek: Ogres eat nature, not parfaits.

  • Dwarf 1 Cut Scene

Dwarf: Many thanks to you! Could you rescue my six brothers as well?

  • Dwarf 2 Cut Scene

Dwarf: By the Gods! My brothers and I can't thank you enough.

  • Cut Scene 2

Mr Hood: Oh, Merry Men!

  • Dwarf 3 Cut Scene

Dwarf: Hanging out can be fun, but that was ridiculous. Thank you.

  • Dwarf 4 Cut Scene

Dwarf: Woohoo!!

  • Cut Scene 3

Leprechaun: There once was a motley crew who asked if I would let them through. I'll open the gate for you and your mates if you will bring me...fairies.

  • Cut Scene 4

(when passing through the gate)

Leprechaun (if you don't have enough fairies): You're a few fairies short.

Leprechaun (if you have enough fairies): Thanks for helping out your wee fellow man.

  • Cut Scene 5

Magic Mirror: These are cookies that Gingerbread Man can throw to attract creatures and enemies of all sorts! Aim the cookie before throwing it by holding the special button, then releasing it to throw the cookie.

  • Dwarf 5 Cut Scene

Dwarf: Oh golly, you folks rock! Or broke one anyway.

  • Cut Scene 6

Donkey: What's all that Shrek?

Shrek: I don't know, but there's chickens all over the place.

Gingy: Ow

Shrek: This is my home, not a petting zoo.

Donkey: I'll call you Pecky.

Lil' Red: Name's Lil' Red. i promised my grandmother I'd get some chickens for her to make soup. Will you help me?

  • Dwarf 6 Cut Scene

Dwarf: Fare thee well, my heroes.

  • Cut Scene 7

Magic Mirror: At the right moment, slow down time with Fiona to get through safely!

  • Dwarf 7 Cut Scene

Dwarf: For your honorable acts of rescue, my six brothers and i are eternally grateful.

  • Cut Scene 8

Lil' Red: Grandma, it's me, I got the chickens for the soup, and I had help from my four new friends.

Grandma: Splendid. Now if your friends will fetch me some blackbirds, I'll make them the best blackbird pie they ever tasted.

Magic Mirror: Shrek's starvin' for some great pie, and an old shut-in wants to make it for him. But who will be able to bring home the blackbird? Fiona, doll, it's your HERO TIME!

  • Cut Scene 9

Gingy: Well, it's been fun guys, but I have a blind date. She might be my sugar cookie.

Lil' Red: Got room in the carriage? I've got a game to pitch in Far Far Away.

Spooky Forest

Chapter Into

And so, they came upon a dark, creepy forest. And if that weren't reason enough to turn back, an evil witch flew above them. Seeing the carriage horses were enchanted, the witch turned them back into mice, for witches need mice for their witchery. The wicked witch then left a trail of cheese, so the mice would be led to her doorstep and into her boiling pot, because she really is wicked... I could tell you some stories...

Cut Scenes

  • Cut Scene 1

Evil Witch: [Evil laugh]

Blind Mouse 1: We have been rudely turned back into mice.

Blind Mouse 2: Yes, I can see that.

Blind Mouse 3: No, you can't.

Blind Mouse 1: By Jove, that smells like cheese.

Fiona: Great. Now we need another potion to turn them back... we'll never make it there.

Shrek: Relax, the Wicked Witch's place is that way.

Donkey: Wicked Witches, spooky trees, crazy mice on a lactose binge. We're doomed.

Shrek: Shut it, Donkey. Now how's this gate open?

  • Cut Scene 2
Screen Shot 2018-06-01 at 7.29.06 PM

Treant: Whooooo dares disturb the guardian...

Shrek: Sorry, I can tell you put down roots here. But if you could scootch to the side...

Treant: [gibberish]

Shrek: Donkey.

Donkey: Oh right! My burro blast!

  • Cut Scene 3

Magic Mirror: Uh oh... better take care of these traps before someone gets hurt!

Screen Shot 2018-06-01 at 7.35.34 PM
  • Cut Scene 4

[One of the blind mice squeezes through a hole to open a gate]

  • Cut Scene 5

Bartender: You don't have to go back to your castle, but you can't stay here.

Knight: Your kind ain't welcome round here.

Lil' Red: And what are you gonna do about it, tin man?

  • Cut Scene 6

[One of the blind mice squeezes through a hole to open a gate]

  • Cut Scene 7

[Must say yes to pass]

Leprechaun: There once was wee little man, who held out his wee little hand fill it with gold or I... Look will you pay me gold or not?!

Leprechaun (player selects yes): May the road rise to meet you... and smack you right in the kisser!

Leprechaun (player selects no): Then go away or I'll bite your knee caps.

Leprechaun (if the player talks to him after selecting no): I knew you'd come crawling back.

  • Cut Scene 7

Fiona: Shrek, come here.

Screen Shot 2018-06-01 at 7.52.48 PM

Shrek: How did that get up here?

Gingerbread Man: Oh, Dragon and I flew it here.

Donkey: My fire-breathing beauty.

Evil Witch: [Evil laugh] The mice will be mine [the word "mine" echoes twice getting quieter]

Donkey: Don't worry, we'll save Fiona.

  • Cut Scene 8

Donkey: I saved the princess... I mean we saved the princess. We saved the princess. Yeah.

Far Far Away

Chapter Intro

So a nervous Shrek waited to meet Fiona's parents, King Harold and Queen Lillian. Hoping to impress them, Shrek even remembered to trim his nose hairs. After that minor stumble the king and queen got along famously with Shrek, welcoming him with the tolerance, love, and affection usually reserved for pop stars and heads of state. Or not... King Harold made it clear that he wanted Fiona to marry Prince Charming and wasn't so fond of his fat, disgusting, nose picking son-in-law. Shrek made it clear he loved Fiona and no pompous king was going to blatantly mock his ogre girth. Fiona and Queen Lillian were eventually able to break up the fight. The king was approached by Fairy Godmother, who was a powerful provider of happily ever afters, and a lot of people owed her favors. She makes offers you can't refuse and can make people disappear. Literally. You understand where I'm going with this, right? Cause she could leave me sleeping with the fishes if I said too much. And mirrors and fish don't mix. Trust me. In the morning, tempers appeared to have cooled and King Harold offered to show our group around Far Far Away.

Cut scenes

In this chapter the cut scene can happen in any order based on what the player does. Only the first cut scene listed and the last have specific spots. Cut scenes that have a number and letter and be done in any order. Example, 2a, 2b.

  • Cut scene 1
Screen Shot 2018-06-01 at 6.46.48 PM

The symbol King Harold is referring to

King Harold: Welcome to Far Far Away. Fabulous shopping, great view, beautiful people. Why don't you make yourselves useful and be my deputies?

Shrek: Deputy Shrek at your service.

King Harold: Where you need this symbol I need your help.

  • Cut scene 2a

(Friar Fat Boy mini game)

King Harold: There's been a fowl catastrophe. The Friars Fat Boy truck has overturned! We need to round up the chickens. Come on, they're even more cowardly than you.

King Harold (player returns after selecting no): Decided you can handle the wrath of the chickens after all?

King Harold (player has beaten mini game): So the chickens are you friends now, eh?King Harold (player selects yes): How brave of you to select this grave chicken challenge.

King Harold (player selects no): They're just chickens! There are scarier things in your belly button lint.

  • Cut scene 2b

(Ratical mini game)

King Harold: Rats! The pied piper is here! He's gone piping mad. Will you get rid of him and all his disgusting vermin?

King Harold (player returns after selecting no):

King Harold (player has beaten mini game):

King Harold (player selects yes): Ratical! Ratastic! Ratitioulle!

King Harold (player selects no):

  • Cut scene 2c

(Family Jewels mini game)

King Harold: A giant troll is after the family jewels... Can you collect the jewels, before the nasty troll gets away?!

King Harold (player returns after selecting no):

King Harold (player has beaten mini game):

King Harold (player selects yes): You should have no problem, I understand trolls and ogres are distant cousins.

King Harold (player selects no):

  • Cut scene 2d

(Shopping Spree mini game)

King Harold: Well, Cinderella's come a long way from her house cleaning days. She no longer does windows, she only shops through them. But this neighborhood is full of muggers. Will you protect her while she looks for a pair of glass slippers to go with her new look?

King Harold (player returns after selecting no):

King Harold (player has beaten mini game):

King Harold (player selects yes): Splendid! Oh, and Shrek, pick yourself up some deodorant.

King Harold (player selects no):

  • Cut scene 2e

(Falling to pieces mini game)

King Harold: There's been a horrible eggs-plosion! Humpty has broken up and all the king's horses and all the king's men have struck out. Maybe your big ogre thumbs can help find the missing shells? Watch the peasants, they're feisty!

King Harold (player returns after selecting no): Guess you're an omelette guy after all.

King Harold (player has beaten mini game):

King Harold (player selects yes): Great, got any crazy glue?

King Harold (player selects no): Fine, leave him in a scramble.

  • Cut scene 2f

(Street Brawl: Hero Time- mini game)

King Harold: There are delinquent hooligans fighting in the streets like filthy Ogres... I mean, beasts. Go arrest them now and throw them in the paddy wagon!

King Harold (player returns after selecting no): Well, I guess you cleared out your earhorns and can hear me better now.

King Harold (player has beaten mini game):

King Harold (player selects yes): Excellent. You take orders well.

King Harold (player selects no): Fine. Just let my kingdom fall into disarray.

  • Cut scene 3

King Harold: Congratulations Shrek. You're quite resilient! Fiona, why don't you show the others back to the castle?

[Shrek, Fiona, Lil' Red, and Donkey walk away. Fairy Godmother flies to King Harold]

Fairy Godmother: Curses! Plan B then! Go to the poison apple and hire the ogre killer!

Ogre Killer

Chapter Intro

After a long day of saving fried chicken, stopping an inner-city riot, and helping a wannabe princess get her shopping done, our hero headed back to the king's castle for a good night's sleep. Poor Shrek's evening would take a turn for the worse as he stumbled across Fiona's childhood diary. A devastated Shrek spent the night reading about Princess Fiona's dream of marrying a handsome prince with washboard abs, a chiseled chin, impeccable hygiene, in short... the anti-Shrek. Tired of being green and feeling ugly, Shrek decided to take a walk in the woods as his friends tried to cheer him up.

Cut Scenes

  • Cut scene 1

Puss in Boots: Now ye ogre, pray for mercy from... Puss... in Boots!

  • Cut scene 2

Puss in Boots: One life down, eight to go!

  • Cut scene 3

Puss in Boots: One can not live la vida loca forever! En guarde!

  • Cut scene 4

Shrek: Well, you've been a bad little kitty.

Puss in Boots: Please do not terminate me! I can take you to the Grande Fairy Madre. She is the answer to all your problemas!

Walking the Path

Chapter Intro

And so, hoping to solve Shrek's problems, our gang moved forward to Fairy Godmother's house, which was known for two things, its pre-war colonial charm and the impossibility of getting inside without an appointment.

Cut Scenes

  • Cut scene 1

Knight: The only appointments today are Ms. Hood and a package from Jack and Jill's Farm.

[Lil' Red leaves]

Donkey: Ooh, I have an idea! We can intercept that package from the farm.

Puss in Boots: Better yet, we can go to the farm and get the package!

Shrek: [cheering] Yeah!

Gingy: [cheering] Sweet!

  • Cut scene 2
Screen Shot 2018-06-01 at 6.53.33 PM

Fairy Godmother: Hocus Pocus, Pumpkins, focus, Come to life, Cause some strife!

Donkey: Ugh, Shrek, do these pumpkins look a little funny to you?

Shrek: Donkey! They're just pumpkins.

  • Cut scene 3

[must say yes to get through gate]

Leprechaun: Top of the morning to you! I can tell that you're wanting to get past, but the hinges are a wee bit rusty don't you know. I'd be willing to part with some of my magic oil, but with the prices these days, it's not going to be cheap.

[must pay 200 coins]

Leprechaun (player says yes): Alrighty then, let's see what's behind door number two, shall we?

Leprechaun (player says no):

Jack and Jill's Farm

Chapter Intro

Screen Shot 2018-06-01 at 6.54.42 PM

And so, our heroes found themselves overlooking miles of rolling farmland. For it seems the water Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch, had magical properties. Despite Jack's broken crown and a possible skull fracture, he and Jill realized organic farming could make them a lot of gold. And they were right, because, really, who doesn't like a nice, juicy, all-natural salad the size of a dragon. A really fat dragon. I mean, seriously, look at those carrots... that's a big salad.

Fairy Godmother's

Chapter Intro

And so, Shrek finally got his chance to ask the fairy godmother for a happily ever after potion, but he didn't just ask her. He showed her why he deserved one. He showed her everything from gadgets to gidgets, a graph, a pie chart, and a pie to go with it. He showed her numbers, statistics, blad-jabbits and widgets. He even showed her a couple of midgets, but the fairy godmother told him ogres aren't allowed happily ever afters. And so, her answer was...

Prison Break

Chapter Intro

No one knew what the potion would do. After Donkey did a taste test, Shrek chugged the potion, hoping it contained a happily ever after for him and Fiona. Nothing happened... at least at first, but then... In the middle of the rainy night, something unexpected happened. Shrek and Donkey underwent a massive transformation. Shrek was as handsome as a prince and Donkey his noble steed! Things seemed to be going great as the gang said thanks and goodbye to Lil' Red for now, but... after Shrek drank her potion, Fairy Godmother knew her son Prince Charming had a handsome rival for Fiona's affection. So she made sure he was locked away in the deepest, darkest dungeon of a Far Far Away Prison. Where no escape was possible. What Fairy Godmother didn't count on was Shrek's friends finding out about the arrest through a concerned and extremely benevolent third party. So a jailbreak was planned. One that would most certainly test the fellowship of this thing.

The Mines

Chapter Intro

Screen Shot 2018-06-01 at 6.56.00 PM

The only thing now standing between Shrek and Far Far Away was Mt. Grimm. Known amongst mountaineers as the heaping-ginormous-mound-o'-rubble-o'-death. Big Bad Wolf, claiming to have been a big bad Sherpa in his puppyhood, knew a shortcut- -why go over a when you can go through it? And remember, if Shrek and the bunch don't move fast Prince Charming will kiss our unsuspecting Fiona, and Shrek will lose Fiona Forever.

Cookie, Cookie

Chapter Intro

Handsome and the crew made their way to Far Far Away. They arrived to find Gingerbread Man brought a little friend, well ok... a big friend! Unbeknownst to the crew Gingerbread Man had whipped up a monstrous cookie creation to help defeat Fairy Godmother. Unfortunately, his weapon of mass destruction turned out to be a mass of doughy devastation.

Final Fight

Chapter Intro

Screen Shot 2018-06-01 at 6.56.55 PM

Well, things were about to get ugly. If Shrek and Fiona didn't kiss before midnight, they would be transformed back into ogre form. But what do you know, those crazy kids decided to go for the ugly. Love can make you do pretty strange things. If you don't like awkward kissing scenes then turn your head.

Cut Scenes

  • Cut Scene 1

Shrek: Now that's more like it. You're beautiful.

Fiona: And you are truly handsome, Shrek.

Fairy Godmother: Oh nooooo! Why? Why? Why?

King Harold: Um, I think my carriage is double-parked.

Fairy Godmother: You're not going anywhere, you incompetent little toad!

King Harold: Ribbit.

Fiona: Hey, toots, you can't zap my father like that! I will never marry your son!

Shrek: Looks like we got our happily ever after without your help.

Fairy Godmother: AARGH!!!!!!

  • Cut Scene 2

Shrek: Guess you underestimated us.

Screen Shot 2018-06-01 at 6.58.50 PM

Fairy Godmother: The only things I underestimated were trolls and elves. If you want something evil done right you have to do it your evil self.

  • Cut Scene 3

Prince Charming: How about this for your happily ever after? What's the matter? Not a troll fan?

  • Cut Scene 4
Screen Shot 2018-06-01 at 6.59.50 PM

Donkey: Yeah! It's about time we kicked this dork to the curb. Or to the tree. Whatever.

Fairy Godmother: That's it! I'm sending you straight to the clue factory.

  • Cut Scene 5

Fairy Godmother: What do ya know? I can be beaten.

Donkey: I'm gonna need a whole box of tissues.

Puss in Boots: Ah, lovers make the world go round.

Screen Shot 2018-06-01 at 7.01.13 PM

Magic Mirror: Well, Shrek and Fiona got their happily ever after after all. Now put down the controller and go outside to play. We're done. Really. It's over. That is all. Folks.

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