One day in 1945, a soldier named Darren came home from the now-ending Global Ogre War led by the mad ogre, Maximus Daauqraf, to find that an old woman named Dama Fortuna was looking in a hole in a tree next to his house in the countryside,
“What r u doing?” he asked.
“I’m looking 4 a tinderbox in here,” she answered, “If u get it 4 me, u can keep anything in here, but I want the tinderbox.”
Darren went thru the hole and found it. He wondered what the woman wanted with it, so he rubbed it and three dogs came out of it. One of them was named Fu and had eyes the size of teacups, the second had eyes the size of water wheels and the third had eyes the size of a tower. They were filled with money which Darren filled his pockets with. When he went outside, Fortuna said he could keep the box.
Darren eventually bought himself a house in the city, but then he heard of the local King’s daughter, Princess Ruth, being locked up in a tower after a prophecy that said she will be married to a commoner soldier. He took it upon himself to rescue her. He went on his horse to the tower and after he had went to the top of it, he shook her awake, like Shrek did with it.
“WHAT!” Ruth screamed.
“Are you Princess Ruth?” Darren asked.
“”I am,” Ruth replied.
“Well, I’m here to rescue you,” said Darren.
They escaped the tower and they began dating, but soon the King and Queen heard of her rescue, found her and sentenced Darren to death, because they thought the prophecy meant another soldier. When Darren was brought to court, Dama Fortuna suddenly barged in.
“I was the one who made the prophecy,” she said, “And the prophecy meant Darren. That’s why the tinderbox was in the hole in the tree outside HIS house. I made all of it happen coz I read it on my tarot cards.”
So the court let Darren go, he married Ruth and became Prince consort. The dogs stayed in the palace and made eyes at everyone.
As for the Fairy Godmother, well, she was happy with how THIS story went, coz it was prophecied 2 happen.
This story was based on The Tinderbox by Hans Christian Anderson, which in turn was based on the Scandinavian folk tale “The Spirit in the Candle.”
Now, I’ve imagined the Blackpool actor David Thewlis playing Darren, so if u wonder how Darren looks or if u imagine this story in ur head, think of Thewlis as Darren.
Also, I have an idea 4 a prequel, about Darren in the Global Ogre War, and Shrek will be in this war, fighting AGAINST Maximus Daauqraf, one of the few ogres 2 do so, so that’s what u can expect.